Dear friends in Christ, grace and peace to you from God our Father and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  Amen.

A pastor was called urgently to a local nursing home to perform a wedding.  An anxious old man met him at the door.  The pastor sat down to counsel the man and ask him several questions.  “Do you love her?” The old man replied, “Nope.” The pastor persisted, “Is she a good Christian woman?” “I don’t know for sure,” the old man answered.  “Does she have lots of money?” asked the pastor.  “I doubt it,” the old man said directly.  “Then why are you marrying her?” the preacher asked. “Cause she can drive at night,” the old man answered.  Yes, men and women do marry for a host of reasons. Unfortunately, they often divorce for just as many.

After 40 years of ministry, I know that it would be easier to skip over the first portion of today’s gospel on divorce, and to focus instead on Jesus’ blessing of children.  After all, it is a challenge to preach on such an uncomfortable theme when almost everyone listening has either known a loved one who has suffered through a painful divorce or has felt personally condemned by this very passage.

From the beginning of time, God gave a holy purpose to human relationships. It began with men and women perfectly suited to one another, joined together in an intimate and exclusive, mutual and safe, life-long partnership to tend to creation. Jesus spoke boldly and passionately of God’s own commitment to marriage and of his joining a couple together to be changed and to become a new spiritual being. Unfortunately, as I often joke at weddings, when men and women do marry, wives expect their husbands will change, while husbands expect their wives will never change. Both are wrong, through the course of marriage, couples do change. They become different people. Hopefully for the better, but sometimes not.

It is true of children as well.  A favorite song of mine sung by Andrea Bocelli, the L’incontro, the First Meeting, begins with the poem read by Bono of U2,

While like a giant – proud and happy I take my baby in my arms

Fragile, innocent and alive And like a little bird he’s Pushing against my chest

Abandoned quiet and safe For an instant almost sweetly

My destiny appears to me like a dream.

This new born child is already more important to me than that of my own life…

Spouses and children are meant to change us. you. There may be dark nights of the soul, but a loving father or mother can never give up on a child.  Brothers and sisters, even when quarreling, should always remain siblings. They were created to give joy and solace to one another and to provide strength in hard times. Yes, God intended for these fundamental human relationships to be life giving, life affirming and life changing. Unfortunately, the values and priorities of this world, don’t always match the ideals of God’s heaven.

My friends, God wants every marriage and every family to be healthy, and so he counsel for sustaining and nurturing these relationships. Woven together in St. Mark’s gospel and the Epistle of St. James is God-given wisdom which we are all invited to embrace. It is the ordinary discipleship necessary for marriage, families and life in the church to be successful.

Let me begin by saying that as harsh as this passage from St. Mark may be, I do not believe that Jesus was condemning everyone who has ever been divorced and branding them as a sinner for ever after. Nor do I believe that Jesus intended for men and women to suffer in loveless marriages. Truthfully, I am not even sure that this passage is about divorce at all, although it does quote one of the most recognized verses in the wedding ceremony, “What God has joined together, let no one separate.”  No, I believe that Jesus was speaking more broadly about the pain and tragedy caused by the human hardness of heart.

From the very first line of this passage, we read that the Pharisees came to Jesus to test him. They may have been trying to trick him into saying something harsh against King Herod Antipas and his new wife Herodias who had divorced their spouses simply so that they could marry each other. John the Baptist had done this and had been imprisoned and beheaded.  Perhaps the Pharisees were hoping that they would trick Jesus into criticizing the great lawgiver Moses; in a particular; they thought he might speak out against the clause in which Moses provided for divorce.  Truly, Jesus was challenging the calculated and casual way in which the Pharisees assumed the right to send away a spouse without any sense of guilt, with nothing more than a “certificate of dismissal.”  That was the reality of divorce in Jesus’ time.  Women were considered property and if their husbands divorced them, the wives were on their own.  They had no right to property, nor were they able to work.  For Jesus, divorcing one person simply in order to marry another was selfish and self-serving, and it didn’t fit into God’s plan for creation.  Surprisingly, some Pharisee thought that they were wise in their actions and that with an easy divorce they had outwitted the system.  It is just as true today when good Christians laugh through their intentional lies, and misdeeds, denying the consequences of the actions, and saying, “Well, it’s always easier to get forgiveness than permission.”

Jesus’ brother, James the Just, saw this first-hand in the church in Jerusalem.  Some members of his community proudly boasted of being wise.  They were wealthy, influential and privileged, and believed that others, especially the less fortunate should cow tow to them.  They looked down haughtily on those whom they regarded as insignificant. They would never declare others to be their inferiors, but they would treat them that way.  Yes, and when matters of house and home and marriage were out of order, they would simply write a certificate of dismissal stating, “I’m sorry.  You’re not my concern any longer, and certainly not my neighbor.”  That was certainly not the wisdom from heaven God desired his children to embrace.  James encouraged the church instead to look closely at itself. “Who is wise and understanding among you?  Show by your good life that your works are done with gentleness born of wisdom…. For Wisdom from above is pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without a trace of partiality or hypocrisy. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace for those who make peace.”  My friends, that is what God intends for the Christian Church. You and I, living good lives are to be working toward a harvest of righteousness right here, right now in our day.

So what wisdom does scripture offer for helping make our most basic, human relationships successful?   Scriptures teaches us that all healthy, human relationships begin with a purpose.  Every couple preparing for marriage should ask themselves, “What does God desire of our marriage?” What is God’s purpose in our life? If God has brought you together, and has promised to be faithful to you and support you, what purpose does he have in store for you?  Do not be surprised, if you are asked to abandon certain habits and embrace some that are new.  Marriage is not simply about attentiveness to your spouse, it is also about attentiveness to God.  Rather like the slip of the pen of the young man to his pastor.  “Dear Pastor:  I want to thank you for performing our marriage ceremony.  It was beautiful the way you brought my happiness to an end.”  Marriage is always about compromise and accommodation to God’s purpose, so that he may use you and your gifts, and those of your spouse to their greatest advantage.

Second, scripture teaches us that healthy relationships must practice patience and guard against anger. James writes in his epistle, “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.”  There are many times when we turn to the devil instead of God- especially in times of anger. God himself expects tension and anger in family life.   You simply can’t draw two people together into a new life without expecting sparks to fly. But your anger can either lead to a breakdown or a breakthrough.  The difference lies in how you handle your anger.  I’ve often found that what people say they are angry about isn’t the real cause. You need to learn to share with those you love the inner reasons and causes of your anger, anxiety and fear.  Scripture reminds us that you should never let the sun go down on your anger, so be patient and be guard your anger.

Third, scripture teaches us that we must work tirelessly at this new creation whether it is in marriage or a family. Simply said, honor what God has joined together- to be a blessing.  But remember as well the importance of Jesus’ own words, “Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh.” To grow together, you may need to leave some things behind including your aspirations and baggage. You must demonstrate your commitment to the new creation, by adjusting, letting go, and allowing yourself to be changed. Human relationships, especially in marriage and family, must be tended to lest they be lost.

The challenges today in maintaining meaningful, life-giving relationships are great. Many couples and families have chosen practicality over wisdom. Some see their responsibility in the family as being limited to keeping children active and competitive until they turn 18 or leave their home.  The same can be said of marriage.  They will stick together as long as people are happy. It is far easier to write a letter of dismissal to a spouse and children when you feel the struggles are too great than to work toward a holy purpose, to practice patience and to labor tirelessly.  As we all know, it is easier to live by the wisdom of the world than the wisdom of heaven.

That is when you must meditate upon Jesus’ great love for you. James, the brother of Jesus, understood God’s surprising wisdom better than many of the apostles.  Jesus remained faithful to his disciples, even when they betrayed, denied and abandoned him.  James himself, and his brothers, were not followers of Jesus during his ministry, but after Jesus’ resurrection, when the devil and the world had done its worst to destroy him, Jesus appeared lovingly and surprisingly to his brother James and lifted him up.

My friends, when you have doubts and misgiving about extending your love and forgiveness to a spouse or a child who has hurt you, remember, Jesus’ love for you. He did not write a letter of dismissal to you for your doubts and failings, but instead he offered his life for you on the cross, so that he could enjoy a relationship with you forever. So do not be afraid to love and forgive.  Jesus’ promises his strength and wisdom. “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.”  Amen.

May the peace of God which passes all understanding keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.  Amen.